Shakespear

Blow, blow, thou winter wind..
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude.
Thy tooth is not so keen.
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho, sing heigh-ho, unto the green holly,
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly.
[Then] heigh-ho, the holly.
This life is most jolly.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
That dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot.
Though thou waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As a friend remembered not.
Heigh-ho, sing heigh-ho, unto the green holly,
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly.
[Then] heigh-ho, the holly.
This life is most jolly.

Exhausted

From trying to keep up this peice of crap friendship. Everyday its the fricken same thing. The same drama, the same aggravation, the same hatred. As complicated as it once was, not anymore. Black white, embodiment of pure loathing, and yet everyday why am I the one who sits for hours concerned about it. When I KNOW that he doesn't care. In few fleeting moments sure he does. But not enough to make this worth it. Not nearly enough.

But then...Somedays, I just think...Maybe he keeps coming back for help...because I'm really all hes got besides his Gf. Idk, it's a theory, and I dont know if it's right, but..I'll just go by it.

WAIT! Fuck that, its his fault he pushed everyone away, wtf am I worrying about, my God, agh.

IDK

Why

Why am I allowing this stupid little thing to bother me. Just because they are both stupid fucktards, and I'm the one who feels guilty. I wish I hadn't said anything...although he used to be the friend I could say anything to...even if it was about it...Guess she changed that part of him too...

I NEED TO FUCKING GO TO SLEEP BUT GOD DAMN I CAN'T WTF IS WRONG WITH THE FUCKING WORLD GOD DAMN.

Ha...normally these kinda things...give me emotions to use for playing cello and crap...Guess thats a good thing.. becuase this audition...is just not happening. Period. I will fail. And burn. And Im gonna shrug it off like everything else. I really am waiting for the day something just breaks me. Almost eager for it actually. I need to be relieved. I need to be back on vacation. In that weird house, with the..cable TV...comfy bed...millions of blankets. With stars to look at everynight. With silence undrempt of back home...with the desolation that...just let you be...

Alone.

...

Agh

So, since I said I hated someone...Now their Gf thinks I'm mad ar her...and this is just way bigger a deal than I ever wanted to it be...

Spring break

Vacation...It was so...Undescribable, Calming like nothing else. So at first, I'm scared like shit, becuase it was just gonna be me and my dad. But...so much of it was so...Idk, special...? The world seemed like such a fascinating place, and I was absorbing every small wonder. Sometimes at home I find myself admiring life, how amazingly complex it seems. Over there, I was intrigued by rocks. Rocks. One stretch of the road we were driving on, there was like a mini sandstorm, lmao it was so scary. Off in the distance, one time a saw a fricken tornado in the sand. It was amazing. Then the place where we stayed...We actually rented a house for a week. It was so desolate. And quiet. And absolutely perfect.
There was a fricken pool table in the house. And my bed was so nice. And the people who were there before us left so much shit. Extra blankets (I love blankets) and i found like four bras, lmao.
Everyday after we went to dinner, which was kinda hard to do, because really there was like nothing good for dinner, we would come back, and watch TV. Either Law and Order, or some movie my dad found. Lmao, I found out he loves romantic comedies (Chick Flicks) and ya, we saw like 4 of those. How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days was unbearable. Terrible terrible terrible movie. My god.
When we were getting back to LA, man was that depressing. The sky...looked like someone threw cement over the air. Back in our little rented home, everynight I would step out of the house, and stare up at the sky. One time I actually tripped, so lost in the night sky. So many stars...it was great...And over here...The opaque dullness, indicitive of the small, incessent aching that goes on. Blah.
I like using big words =D...You know why...?
I started reading Twilight while I was there too. That book is beautiful. Im almost done, and I need New Moon.
Anyway, now that Im back...I relize how much I fucking hate..someone. And...agh...Its really bad.
Well Im tired. BYE

It's been awhile...

So my dad got back from Germany today. He was here when I got home. It was weird...It soo seemed like he genuinely missed me. Crazyness. Anyway, here's what pissed me off. During dinner, Kevin talks about how he has "so much stuff" to do during spring break, implying he didn't want to go to San Felipe next week. And like...Why the hell can't people relize that there are certain times when you can and cannot talk about things. My dad, after being deprived of his son for almost three weeks, comes home to here that he doesn't want to spend sping break with him. So now, my dad wants to go alone. W/e, I don't really want to go, but like fuck man, how retarded can you be...don't tell that to him THE SAME DAY he comes home.

Now, I really don't wanna go to sleep, I can feel my tiredness, but I don't want tommorow to start...I don't wanna go to to 1st period with Mr. Boling...Oh, today after school, Ms. Kavy said hi to me. Man was that painful. Severely. She sounded all nice and shit. Blech...

And something else, today at lunch, when I was buying my food, I was like "Can I get a Cactus Cooler and a Funnyons" and Mr. Gustan was all like "Here you go Brian", in like the nicest way possible. Idk...I like niceness...A lot. It made me so happy for a while.

Then came 7th period. Gah, that stupid test, Mr. Barrow didn't teach us shit. At all. Whatsoever. Blah.

Oh, so back to me being at home. I finally got to see my report card...It's the worst one all year. And the thing that makes me mad is that I see that I'm getting a C in Bio, ONE WEEK before the next grading period ends. Perfect. Oh, and Mr. D gives me a fucking B in Marching Band. Fuck the world, I seriously do as much as I can. I'm going to talk to him tommorow, because really there is NO way I cannot be tardy. So, I see no point in letting it drag down my GPA, escpeccially when that is the class causing the most stress.

O shit I just remembered I have to do my Spanish Hw...Will I have time later...? Well, I'm tired, but I guess I just gotta do it right now...Good thing I'm getting a ride to school tommorow...I'll get SOME sleep. Woot.

Night.