Bleh

Really...
I hate him
And I know I shouldn't
And I know its wrong
But it doesnt matter
God damn I hate him

Shes coming...

Today my gramma was supposed to come and stay with us, but her flight was delayed, so she just stayed with my aunt for the night. I'm....I'm glad shes coming, but...I wish she could come later. I dont want her to see this. In the house, theres sumthing that just not quite home, and I'm embarrased to show it.
I don't want her to see me at the pit of my musical endeavors
I dont want her to see me as a recede to the backseat position of Vice President
I dont want her to see me while I try to patch up friendships, as I try to figure what is worth my time, who is worth my time
I dont want her to see me while I'm cynical and angry
I dont want her to see my disdain for my music program
I dont want her to see my desperate hopes of love, of my future, of direction

I don't want her back until things are perfect like they once where. Really she deserves it, and its breaking my heart that I cant give it...