I Wish..

I wish I wasn't so...
I don't know the words to describe it, but it's about my cello...
Part of me wants to return it, part of me can't bear to part with it
Part of me knows that theres too many minor issues, and part of me knows that I'm just over reacting each and everyone
Part me knows I'll never be completely happy with it, while another knows how I feel when I play it, and knows it's the best one I've ever played
Part of me thinks its great, but part of me thinks it's only because I'm comparing it to an ancient school-owned relic.

All of these, I don't know how to make sense of it, and I don't even know how to react to it. Why do I care so much? It's not like it will ever matter, and it's not like I can't live without. It's just something I want. Some fragile desire that I can never be sure will still be there in the morning. But yet...It's strong enough to make sacrifice so much.

I need that cello guy to help me decide...it's just too big a choice for me to make on my own. I hope he comes to the school soon...I just hate it because...if I return it, where am I going to find something else for the same price...That wretched store I was thinking about before agitates me to no end...but...maybe it will do...

The thing is, I just really need to know if it is good or not. That's pretty much it, I just don't want to have a $1600 set of crap that gives me problems in a month. But also...I've waited for so long, I feel like if I don't keep it, this will never happen again.

The world really shouldn't care abuot this, so I don't know why I posted. But really...It's tearing me up inside.

Life was going so good too

=/