Embodiment of Irrationality

Omg, I love that title. Ok anyway lately, wayyy to much crazyness for me to handle. I've developed a fear that if I walk in the dark too long, somethings gonna pop up in front of me, and I'll trip and fall. Also, all bugs scare me silly recently. I was in the laundry room, covering my mouth with both hands, and putting my clothes in a basket using my feet, because I thought this gnat was gonna fly into my mouth. It happened before, and ya, so at least its not ENTIRELY insane. When I was little, a fly flew into my mouth while i was eating. And I kinda bit it on accident, and ya, not fun. Then I have all these fears of my being 50 years old and alone, and it's scary and ya. Idk, it's so easy to let your fears get the best of you..

One more MAJOR Annoyance.

The history test and teacher are just retarded. We spent the last two days studying for the test, and like, I hate when teachers ONLY teach whats gonna be on the test. People go to school to learn, NOT to pass tests. And the thing is, a lot of the stuff isn't any more important than other things, but it's just we're getting tested on that instead of something else. We have to know about two sisters who stood up for farming, and not once did she mention the woman who self proclaimed herself emperor. That's not important at all...Or that in some year, the emperor burned every monastery in China to the ground. Dammit i hate it. There is no point in learning, if you only learn what others want you to know. No point in learning=no point in school= (because I'm under 18) no point in life. Thanks a lot, for killing the joy I had from actually learning this one chapter, that was a complete waste of one day of my life. Dammit..

Explosion in the works...

So yesterday I had the first class for the PCC Orchestra. Daniel decided not to go, at the last minite (wow, huge suprise...). I hate when people do that. The people that cannot see the line between what you HAVE to do, and what you WANT to do. Fucking just...Anyway, I'm waiting for the bus to PCC, and Uche comes, waitng for the bus too. I did not relize that I could talk for so long about how I despise band. It was crazy. So i get to PCC at about..4:30. Meaning a 2:30 wait till my class started. Fun. I didn't have to leave Marshall so early, but pretty much like all forms of life where bugging the fuck outta me, so I just needed to be off in a corner somewhere, blasting my iPod, to escape existence. So ya, I was sitting outside the music room, till I saw Mr. D, and like I said, human contact was just not gonna happen. So I went up the stairs, and found a perfect little spot for me to be awy from everyone. Like, its a sanctuary. I wish there was someplace like that at Marshall, but sadly no. So class was fun, and some of the people remember me, and all the cellos are like really nice. I can really see myself keep on going there, and like leaving Marshall Orchestra behind for good. The music was fricken' Impossible, but still, those three hours in the class flew by. It was wonderful. After, my bro picked up...Well actually, first I waited in the ice cold wind for about 30 minites, until finally his shit black car rolled into view. I get in the car, it smeels like weed. I know he didn't smoke, but still, he was fucking 30 minites late, because he was letting his fuckturd friends get high in his car. So fricken PISSED. So, we get Jack In The Box for dinner, when we get home though, it was just distigsting...Like I'm really getting worried, so many foods just make me wanna throw up now...It's not good...So umm ya
In the morning, once again looking at all the foods we have make me wanna hurl, so I take an apple, and then go up to brush my teeth. Even that made me wanna throw up. Seriously, it's everything. So, idk wat else...I relized how much fun it is playing DS games with Ronnica, it's really the only GOOD part of my day today. And after school, people were bothering me. A lot. No real reason. Just ya, idk...gayness.

I Think...

I wanna write a poem...I just need to start writing down lines when I think of them...they always escape me, but ya...It would be cool to have my own...

Testing

Did you know you can set up your blog, so that you can post things from your email adress?? Ya, I just set mine up, and this is a test, and ya. Ummmm, I'm bored!!!!!!! And I have some really good books, but I dont feel like reading right now, and ya. Sigh

Minor Annoyance of the Night

Last night, I was being like really bored, and then I remembered a conversation I had with Ronnica, about how she really wanted to hear all those string quartet tributes to different bands. So I go on Amazon, and omg there are so many! And they're so fun to! I was listening to a Dashboard one, and it like makes you appreciate the music more. It's like...you can here all the parts a lot better, but eventually you miss having the lyrics there. I also saw one for My Chemical Romance, and that was just plain cool too. So, by now I'm on itunes, because theres more samples on there. Then, I see some girls comment one an album. "I really liked it, and I pity those do not, because they are too unintelligent to appreciate classical music." Really, wtf is that. What is about classical music, that you have to be smart to appreciate. And even if there is something in it, that's only with music from forever ago. Listening to a quartet play Fall Out Boy is not called listening to classical music. That's contemporary. Shows what she knows. Anyway I got to thinking, why would a society associate classical music with intelligence. I really see no connection. Music is music, there are different kinds, there really are no better or worse. There are preferences. There is popularity. There is generic, there is normal, there is loud, there is soft. But it's all the same stuff. If someone listens to a different kind, really what difference does it make. Now, a partially off-topic point. Thinking about all this stuff kept me up forever last night, but I remembered something that happened in like 7th grade. I saw these two black kids fighting, one of like "What ya gonna do?!? You light-skinded bitch!". I'm like standing here awestruck. Now not only do you have to be black, for black people to like you, but you have to be a certain shade. That is absurd. It made me so extremely mad that day...and that's something else that contributed to my growing dislike of "my people". Anyway ya, idk. The world is weird...

Fricken people have no clue...

So I'm on this website, and like there's this part about teens in orchestra. So I, being the extremely bored person that I am, decide to check it out. The first thing I see, a shitload of people saying that support from their parents is needed to be a good musician. O. Hell. No. I stopped even inviting my parents to my concerts, because never once have I gotten a "Wow, you guys sound great" or "Man, I really liked that one song" or even "That didn't suck as much as the last one" Actually, I think I may have gotten that last one, I'm not sure. But anyway, generally a concert would end with my dad coming into the band room, telling me to hurry up, because he wants to get the hell out there, or Shellie coming in, complaining about how she hasn't eaten, or bitching and moaning about her damn (I edited profanity out, idk why) period pains. So I hurry up, so I can sit in the car, and hear about all the things I've done wrong in the last week. What a wonderful way to end a concert, which USED to be a happy expeirence. So like I said, I don't even invite them. I mentioned to my dad about the All-District one, but he decided not to show up. And after it, one of the most exhausting days of my life, was over, I dragged my clothes, trombone, and cello to where my dad was supposed to pick me up. When I get in the car, the first thing he says is "I you we'd meet over THERE". Not "Hey, how'd the concert go". Not "Woah, you must be exhausted". Not anything of the sort. So I reply, "I'm sorry that in my total exaustion, I could not tell the difference between this spot, and the spot TWO TREES AWAY, IN PERFECT EYE-SIGHT FROM HERE, and by the way, my concert went great, thanks for asking." Yes, that shut him up for the rest of the way home. But litterely, it's like they OPPOSE my involvement in music. And deep down, I know I'm not the BEST, but I'd fucking kick ass over any other person who'd been playing cello for one year, and who never had a teacher on ANY aspect of the instrument. So for those retards saying family is so important. Just....FOAD (Lmao, Idk, I really like some of those Internet slang things Mackenzie and I were looking at).

Good day!

Everytime I log onto this thing, I tell the thing to remember my email, lol it never does. It's so sad. I have to type out that long ass email address everytime I log in. Sigh. Lol so my day today, was totally insane. Certain friends kept on bugging me, but by the second half of the day, that didn't even matter anymore! You wanna know why???? I BOUGHT MINTS! Lmao, yesterday at Target, I bought these Lifesaver mints, TWO PACKS OF THEM! THATS LIKE 96 MINTS! Anyway, lmao now there all gone...I had at least 35 mints today, no joke, by 7th period, I was straight up addicted to em' and I was eating like one every minite. It was great. Mega ultra insaneful hyperness. Oh, and Jennifer showed me this book of her drawings, and they were really kool! After school I was waiting with Shelby, and literally I could not stand still. I was fricken' dancing. Lmao. Then i had to take the bus home in the rain, but y'know, that wasn't enough to ruin my good mood. Then, I got home, and Estela was here, so I'm really afraid she threw away my gum bottle, and she said she didn't find my Midnighters book, but even THAT was not enough to ruin my good mood. THEN, I found a note on my computor that apparently Shellie wrote. MY CELLO CAME IN!!! So now I gotta call the store. Mega happy! And then after that, I read an email from Kenzie, with a quote (she has made me unhealthily obsessed with them) and it was so incredibly awesome! So like I said: Ultra mega happy!

Phases of Today

Waking up: The normal. I had some new music on my iPod, made me mega happy. I had a Poptart that for some reason was just super nasty and I ended up throwing it away...
Zero Period: I remember sitting in the middle of the floor, dumbstruck. "Oh fuck no, not Magnificent Seven again, this is gay". Painful hour of my life...
Spanish: FUN! Idk why, but it was kool.
Biology: Ya w/e it was normal
Orchestra: ANGER! SUPREME ANGER! AGHHHH ANGER! Once AGAIN, Magnificent Seven, my fucking god, it's easineess is absolutely obsurd. And somehow people still don't get it. It was just...horrible.
English: Dead tired.
History: Ms Mares mad me angry
Algbra 2: Besides everyone asking me for answers, the test was suprisingly fun
Home: Being a freak, and like actually reading the histrory chapter, and also, TAKING NOTES! like a weird person, and ya idk. all this stuff, that now im too tired to explain, lol this blog was retarded

Stupid Kenzie...

She started me looking at quotes, and like woah, its crazy. Here's just a few that I found.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds
to be.
--Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
OK, it's so simple, but like CRAZY smart. Really some people (Haha, specially me) just can sit there being miserable when nothings wrong, knowing perfectly well it would make there lives a million times easier to just step out of that bitchy ring of depression. Most of the time I'm mad/angry/whatever, half of me wants to stay that way, so that later I can say to myself, "Wow, my life is harder than yours". And for what? Exactly. No reason. Whatsoever.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. --Unknown
The wisdom of that is pretty much self explanatory.

Ok enough of the quotes right now, something just bothering me. The world is about to be introduced to my bitter side, muahahah. Ok, like...seriously all these stupid people...You are not allowed to bitch about ANYTHING if merely seeing a person's face makes you happy. Duh, there's exceptions, but like come on. Some of these people...every little disagreement and it shatters their world, even though any sane person knows that whatever the hell the disagreement is, is insignificant and just plain stupid. You're gonna still be "in love" after you have make-up sex in about an hour. Really. They just need to be slapped...And then they come to me to cry about their problems. Fuck off. Lmao, really though. Sometimes it's like that. And I'm a horrible person for saying it like that, but really, I just needed to say it.

Music..

So after I came home today, I see my music folder on my desk, and for some reason I have the urge to look through it. It was not such a great idea. The endless string of hackneyed songs is just simply not the least bit entertaining anymore. The emotionless Brandenburg Concerto from All-District, and the tortuously repetitive Magnificent Seven just does not seem to do it for me anymore. Even the famed Halo Theme bores me. The Grieg song was actually bearable, until directed by Ms. Worby. It's so sad that the songs from PCC last year, I actually really want to play them, but I'm just don't know how. I'm just stuck, and music, what I used to sometimes even call a Passion, is dead. Hopefully the classes at PCC that I'm gonna take will revitalize it...sigh. Idk. And I really wanna learn piano...but again, that is another thing I just don't know how to do...sigh...Depressing.

Post Before I Go To Sleep

For some reason, I had this overwhelming desire to type something. So here's just to get the world caught up on so many things I forgot to say to some people. First, I think I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, lmao. I really should not find it funny, but I do. I checked it out on WebMd and everything, and yeah, it explains the burning pain that surges through me when anywhere from my pinky to forearm touches anything. Second. Mackenzie!!! I need your email! Lol, because of moments like this when i relized I wanted to tell you sumthing, but then you're like gone and stuff. Umm, ya that blog you replied to wasn't aimed at you, but that poem thing you sent me kicks ass! I love it. And hmmm what else...Oh yes, I have learned that I am not the only person in the world who despises shoes. And Jennifer said something abuot that that I really liked. Something like, "If it were up to me, I'd never wear them, but no, I have to live in a society where you can't even get food if you don't have shoes." Really, how stupid is that. There just stupid things on your feet! They're so stupid. I need to start a rally at school, and see what would happen if nobody wore shoes one day. It would be so fun. Anyway, yay! I'm gonna be going to the movies tommorow, and I'm gonna get myself some Ms. Feild's (mmmmm) I love that place. Oh shiot, I was gonna call that music store today to see when my cello would be coming in. Sigh, they'll be open tomorrow, right? Nobody actually takes this holiday, whatever holiday it is, I really don't know, seriously. OH MAN, and I also gotta type that essay for Bio...hmmm doesn't seem too hard though, I just need to remember the website...OH, and that reminds me, I need to post about this one super crazy genetic disorder, and like ya. Omg, posting right before bed is a bad idea, I get thinking too much =/

Shit man..

Today I have to go shopping for new shoes with my dad. That much "quality-time", the thought of it is making my head scream. So I decided to minimize my unpleasantness, and we're only gonna get dress shoes today, not like...normal shoes, because yeah, doing that is just pure hell. And today already isn't starting out very well. My skin hurts. Idk how but ya, it feels like my skin is becoming like paper thin, and everytime i touch something with certain parts on my arm, it feels like my nerves are being crushed. Not very pleasant. I swear my skin thingy is getting worse and worse, but whenever I mention it, nobody listens to me. And there is way too much sunlight coming into my room rite now. I can barely see the comp screen, and my eyes are squinting like automatically. My friend still hasn't sent me the pictures from...I forgot when, but she said she was going to as soon as she put them on her comp, and I know she did because their on her myspace. Oh wow, actually TWO friends haven't sent me pictures. People shouldn't take pix of me if they're not gonna send them to me. It's just annoying. And also, way too many people keep on posting blogson myspace. Idk why thats bothering me, but it is. I'm just overall irratible and not very comfortable.

Pointless...

Really, somethings have just gotten to a point, that it doesn't seem worth it to explain to anyone. People just truly cannot comprehend somethings. And recently, when I tried, they were so caught up in something else, that the things I said didn't matter. So, I'm left here alone, and lately I've discovered it's much easier to handle it when you can be distracted by something else...Thus, my unhealthy obsession with Minesweeper, and my overwhelming desire to read 24/7. By the way that reminds me, I gotta go to Borders or Barnes and Nobles again soon. I'm running out of stuff to read. I gotta order "Specials" like today, so that it'll be here by when I finish Midnighters. And that's also making me really sad, and here's another reason I despise series. I have like an emotional connection to this book, like really. Almost the entire time I'm reading, I'm submerged into the plot so deep, that it's not even like I'm reading anymore. I just see the people doing w/e the hell they're doing, the actual words never once actually appearing in my mind. Woah I got off topic, so to the miniscule amount of people who read my blog (actually just one, but hey even I can be optimistic), know any good books?

Thoughts of the Day

1) Ok, I know it's slightly insane, but like ok, I've been reading Midnighters way too much. Basically, the main stuff in it, is that there is this "secret hour". It's one hour in the day, compresed in a single moment, that certain creatures live in, and only certain people can move in. These people can move in it because they were born at the exact moment of Midnight. So anyway, I was just thinking abuot how like...How the hell can we ever know for sure that thats not true? Like, not exactly how it is in the book, but to some extent, that CAN be true. How would we ever know if for every moment we are here, we take turns sharing it with some other world/dimension? If you think about it, the whole concept of time is SO out of human grasp, that most have just discarded any thought into it, and accepted it as "Just because". If you think abuot all the things we don't know, and the things we dont even know we don't know, it is very scary.

2) Imagining life without cartoons. Ya, I sound stupid, but read all of this, I swear its good, and It's not a total crap like the first one. Ok if you think abuot it, all the stuff that like you've always known, and known them for so long, you don't even remember when you learned them. When did you learn what police are? Or what jail is? I can bet $50, that one day when you were watching the villian in Scooby Doo get arrested, or even The Powerpuff Girls kick total ass over Mojo Jojo and throw him in prison, you learned this kinda stuff. Actually, especcially the shows like Superman, you learn that the bad guy gets thrown in jail, and somehow by some unnatural being, order is restored and the world is one great happy place. How much you wanna bet that if there were no cartoons, and kids only watched Law and Order, and other drama shows, a shitload of kids would have given up on life, and tried to kill themselves or something. When you grow up, stupid TV shows tell you that the world is one big happy place, but other TV shows, deffinitly do not hide the ugly truth of the world quite so well.

3) After reading Mackenzie's blog, I remembered something else I was thinking abuot. The whole concept of not caring. And how smart she was for noticing something; half the people who say the dont care are lying. They just want it to seem like it doesn't bother them; trying to fool the world and even themselves. Then out of the 50% remaining, at least two-thirds of them are just stupid or ignorant, and tragically, a large majority are both. Only a slight few are educated and don;t care.

Anyway, this was fun, and I have several thoughts about life, but I'm crazy tired.

Why I Love Reading

Jessica talking talking to Constanza about boyfriend problems =/
"Be patient, just let your anger mellow inside you, aging like a fine wine. Then when Jonathan does something that really pisses you off, let him have it with both barrels."
Jessica blinked. "Um, I got lost. What barrels?"
"Pay attention Jessica. These are barrels of anger." Constanza sighed, thumping the steering wheel. "The problem with boys is, you can't tell them everytime something annoys you. If you complain every single second that Jonathan isn't holding your hand, you look feeble and whiny and desperate. So you have to hit him with all you flaws at once. Which means...waiting until he does something that he knows is bad and tally of all your complaints ready in you mind. Be patient, but be prepared--that's my motto!"

Come on, that is straight up bitchyness, lmao. I love books sometimes

Random Crap

Ok like, all these band things, there really just pissing me off. I'm so tired. Like insanely tired. In school, everything is MOSTLY effortless. Occasionally, I actually have to think. But now, waking up early to march TROMBONE and then having two hour long rehearsals, it drains you like mad. I'm seiroulsy just exhausted in everyway shape and form, and I start being weird when I'm tired. Haha, ask Noah, he saw me during 6th period. But ya, tommorow is gonna be even worse. Rehersals for cello AND trombone, and then the concert later on. Oh and about the concert, really it's so fricken gay, my family is like arguing over who will give me a drive. So, I gonna take my clothes and cello and trombone with me on the bus to PCC tomorrow. How insanely fun is that gonna be!

Valentines Day =/

Ok, so I was thinking about writing this blog before, but then I got lazy, but then all these stupid people's myspace bullitens about it are just making me mad. Anyway, like really, tommorow is gonna fucking suck. Major ass. Like I can picture it in my mind. During advisory, people are gonna be like, "What are you doing back here?" Of course, duh I'm gonna be in the back room of the band room. And I'm gonna be like "I'm losing myself in my books and emo music, stuffing my face full of chocholate I stole from some happy looking couple, to avoid letting my crushing lonliness depress the rest of the world." And that "happy" will be said with extra bitchyness too it. I can see it now...it will be great.
But semi-off the subject, fuck man it was bothering me. Someone posted a myspace bulliten, saying how Valentines is gonna suck, because he's single. I'm sitting at my computor screen like, "What The Fuck". Seriously, it's as if he's the ONLY person in the world with that problem. Lol, I really don't care that much, but I know like tommorow, is just gonna bother me.

Seriously

Omg, nobody on AIM is talking and I'm dying of boredom, and this homework is just so stupid! No, i would not want to be tested for Huntington's, that means a life of fear knowing that I have it, and a life of sympathy and pity I never asked for. Screw that.
Damn, I wish my HW was as easy as as just saying that.
Stupid Mackenzie, had to sign off....IM SO BORED

So Today

Today, I woke up at like 8 o'clock, or sumthing like that. I think I had a dream, and I remember remembering what my dream was, but now I can't remember for sure if I remembered or not, and if I did, I dont remember exactly what I remembered. Ohhh! Now I remember, Daniel and Shelby were in it. But now that I think of it, I'm not sure if I had this dream today, or yesterday. In any case, that's pretty much irrelevant. So anyway, when I woke up, I started reading my new book, "Midnighters: The Secret Hour". Whoo! I love that book. And while I was reading it, it was weird. You know how sometimes when you're reading a boring book, your mind wanders onto like a completely random topic. Well this time, it happened, but I was still thinking about the book. Anyway, I fricken finished the book! I got it yesterday! I'm so glad I decided to be stupid and get the second book while I was at the library. So Shellie came into my room, being her normal SuperBitch self. I should give her a code name to use while I'm on the comp. One time she read my IMs, and me and Ronnica were talking about her. Lol, it didnt turn out so good. I think SuperBitch421 seems like it's inconspicious enough. Anyway, where was I? This recollection of how my day went, is getting way too long. But i guess more stuff happened today than I thought. So yeah, I went downstairs and Ronnica called me about going to Santa Anita today. And once again, SuperBitch421 (ok, I'll stick to Shellie, SuperBitch421 is just kinda retarded) is all like, "Brian is not allowed to be on the phone". Ok like, I kinda understand not being able to talk on the phone for a long time, y'know, like for fun. But when people are trying to reach me, you would think maybe she would be able to turn down her bitchyness a couple notches, but noooo. Anyway yeah, Yay! I was gonna be going to Santa Anita today! So...I ate breakfast and all that boring stuff....Ronnica got online, and I was talking to her. Then she left so she could come pick me up. Then pretty much two minites before she came, Daniel has to IM me. WTF! He's talking abuot how his birthday doesnt even feel like a birthday, which got me kind of mad for some reason. But i felt so bad, because he was like not feeling good, but I had to go. So ya...then when me and Ronnica got to Santa Anita, we got lost trying to get to Borders! Lol, it reminded me of the time I was there with Daniel. Well ya...we stayed in Borders for a while after meeting up with Randy, and there were so many fun books! One of the was like "The Virgin Suicides" and it had a really cool poem, I need to find so I can post it! And then by the same author, this book called "Middlesex", and I was having such a great time finding all the dirty things in it! Man that shit was bad, like it talked abuot a girl with sexual encounters and masturbation as child, and then...just some REALLY horny thoughts by some other person. It was great. So...then we ate at some Japanese place I really didn't like that much. And then...well I'm getting tired, so let's fastfoward a bit. I went to the Popcorn place to buy some Kettle Korn, and they were like "This large bag costs less then the small", so I like sure. IT WAS SO MUCH! So I still have it with me rite now, lol. So when I got home...I called Daniel, and went online, and ate some dinner, and here I am! Man, typing all that was way too fun.

Give Me a Pat On The Back

I told myself I would try to write in normal English for like week. So ya, Congrats to me tho, for creating one of these things. Yeah! Haha, and thanks to Mackenzie, for...telling me about the site. Lol, this is sooo just a way for me to get out of doing homework.